A letter to my children on Father’s Day

Hearts are funny things.

A heart is capable of many emotions.

It can love fiercely, it can hurt intensely, it can break into a thousand pieces, and it can feel so much joy that you might wonder if it might burst.

The best part about a heart though, in my opinion, is the way it has the ability to grow and change.

There isn’t a limit to the amount of people you can hold in your heart. Your heart has the ability to love as many people as you choose to let in, without ever being too full.

Your Daddy has such a special part of my heart. The part of my heart that he fills is large and it is eternal. He holds such an important place, that I could never forget him or replace him.

I miss him every day.

Sometimes my heart feels like a piece is missing. Taken with him, when he left this side of the veil. I can’t wait to get that part back one day.

I know that you hold your Daddy in your heart too. Protected and sacred. He is part of you and you are part of him.

I see how your hearts break when you think of how much you miss him. I know he misses you too, although I truly feel that he is near.

I see how you wear his t-shirts to bed and how you treasure his belongings.

I see the pain that you try to hide when I ask you how you are doing. “Doing good mostly, just missing Dad a little.”

I see the way your eyes light up when someone tells a story or recounts a memory of your sweet Dad. You soak up every little ounce of him that you can get. I wish we could do more than just talk about him, I wish you could be making new memories as well.

However, I see the way you love your new Dad too. He hasn’t been in our family long, but he has taken on his role beautifully. He loves you, and I see how much you love him. I love watching you read, swim, play, cuddle, and spend time together. He cares so much about you. We are lucky to have him.

Your second Dad has filled a beautiful place in my heart too. He filled a hole in my heart that I didn’t even know I had. He makes me feel alive and happy.

I know that feelings are confusing sometimes. I see you struggle to make sense of the way that your heart loves your Dad. I know that sometimes worry that you are forgetting your Daddy or betraying him by allowing another man to take care of you and be your parent.

Each time I had a baby, I thought I could never love any more than I already did. I was always surprised at just how much more love I felt with each addition of our family. And just like the way my heart grew each time I had one of you, I know that your hearts have grown to fit Ryan. He doesn’t replace the Dad you love so much, but he can take an important place in your aching heart, and he can give us another reason to feel joy. There is enough room for your Daddy in heaven, and for Ryan, so you don’t have to worry about picking which Dad you want to give a spot.

I was proud of you today.

I was proud of the way you bravely sang, “Families can be together forever.” It made me cry.

I was proud of the way you made Father’s Day cards and pictures, and how you were so excited to give Ryan his first Father’s Day gifts ever.

I was also proud of the way you listened to “Daddy songs” and wore your Daddy in Heaven’s baseball hat. I was proud of the way you remembered your Daddy in Heaven, but still celebrated your Dad on Earth.

You love so purely, and so fiercely.

I know that it is strange to feel sad and happy at the same time. Two conflicting emotions that don’t make sense in the same space, can both be felt so intensely at the same time. You have handled a complicated situation with strength that I struggle to find at times.

I am so blessed to have children who love so much.

And we are also blessed to have not just one, but two Dads who love us. One walking beside us, unseen on the other side of the veil, and one helping us to grow here on Earth.

That is definitely something that makes MY heart grateful. 💙

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One thought on “A letter to my children on Father’s Day

  1. I’m so glad that you have been blessed to have two sweet Ryan’s in your life. My heart has grown also. I miss and love our Ryan Bell so much yet I am so thrilled as I see Ryan Little falling into step with his new role as a husband and father I can’t help but to be extremely grateful and love him as a son in law. It is a vey special and rare man that can take on another man’s family and love them as his own.

    Like

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