Sun

I haven’t been crying much lately.

The invasive memories and flashbacks that used to haunt me constantly, have faded into the back of my mind.

My anxiety has calmed, and I haven’t had to wake with numb fingers and a pounding chest in months.

I haven’t felt the overwhelming need to write out my feelings, to give them a home anywhere but inside of myself.

I miss my RJ every day, but somehow lately, I can look at pictures of him without completely breaking down.

I can see him in my children, Hudson’s little profile when we sit in church, in Gracie’s stubborn frown, or in Addison’s smile and crinkle of her eyes. I can look at beautiful parts of him within my kids, without my heart breaking into a million pieces.

I know that healing will most likely take a lifetime, and I know that I have many days ahead where waves of grief will knock me to the ground. With triggers like October around the corner, Gracelyn’s birthday, and the holidays soon approaching, I fully expect to be a sobbing mess again soon. But today I am thankful for a break in the clouds, even if it is just for a time. It is a welcome relief to my tired mind and aching heart.

I see progress. I see hope. I see brighter days ahead.

I see the sun again. ❤

2013 05 08 Ryan & Monica Bell47

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